S-E-X

samburglively

According to the Jamaican Journal of Medicine, s*x induced heart attacks are among he leading causes of  death in males over 30. So, in all honesty, you should really just kill yourself after a certain age. Jamaican doctors report that dozens of n*ked men are daily rushed into emergency rooms with slight smiles on their faces.

 

Yoga

Yoga-girls

A yoga craze has swept the nation, and as annoying women do hand stands in sport’s bra’s and post pictures on Instagram about it, they ignore the dangers of the ancient and douche-art of contorting one’s body.

According to the NASA Center of Yoga Research, yoga related deaths have increased 10-fold over the last 5 years. Perhaps as a blessing in disguise, yoga is inadvertently acting as a Darwinian filter to rid our species of  those easily caught up in fads.

Hippos

hipposSource

There has been a huge spike in Hippo-attack related deaths in the United States. Hippo’s have long been the leading cause of death (besides Bird Flu) in Africa, but now they have been seen in Lake Minnetonka, Lake Michigan, and in the beaches of Malibu. And where Hippos go, death soon follows.